Depression | Juwenalia

Today was the big day that I have been nervous for. Today we visited the Auschwitz and Birkenau concentration camps. Pawel told us to take a bus from the main station, which was about a half an hour walk away. We both got up super early (which was good to know that we're still capable of getting out of bed before 10!) and got to the bus station with just enough time to grab some circle bread. I don't know the actual name of it, but apparently it is a Krakow specialty. It is literally a circle of bread. Kind of like a bagel, but thinner, and wider, and twisted sort of like a pretzel. I took a picture, so don't worry if you're not getting a crystal clear mental image of said circle bread. Looking out the window of the bus, I noticed that 10 minutes later we were at the stop that is a 30 second walk away from Pawel's flat!!! All that waking up early and walking to the station for nothing.... :)

Sitting on the bus for over two hours knowing that I was going to visit the camps was a weird experience in itself. They're obviously not something to be excited about, and it was early so Laura and I didn't really talk at all on the bus ride. How do you prepare yourself mentally to see something like that, where so much pain and suffering were inflicted?

Another weird thing is how much of a tourist attraction the camps have become. I think it's incredibly important that people do go and see them and learn about and from them, but at the same time it just makes me a little sick seeing tourist companies advertise "WAWEL CASTLE - SALT MINES - AUSCHWITZ". What? The camps used to be free to visit but they get more and more visitors every year (I like the word visitors better than tourists). In 2009, there were approximately 1.3 million visitors which is a staggering number. What is sobering about it though is that 1.3 million is also approximately the number of people that were killed in the Nazis' first gas chamber...located at Auschwitz.

Nowadays, if you visit between 10 AM and 3 PM you must be accompanied on a guided tour. The camps have been a country museum since 1947, and the people working at the museum are very organized about herding visitors. We paid for an English tour and then got head phones. The head phones were sort of like a one way walkie-talkie, where we tuned into a certain channel that allowed us to hear our English speaking guide through a microphone. This was good because you could always hear what she was saying. She could also talk while we walked between different areas of the camp. And the headphones were also nice since there were so many other tour groups, all speaking different languages. In that sense, it was good. But we were still walking around Auschwitz with a group of 20 people watching hundreds of people take pictures of the exact same things. Whenever I'm in depressing places, I tend not to take pictures. I think it changes the experience because the things I saw there - I'm not going to forget any time soon. And the pictures aren't "good" or "pretty", they're not "fun" to show people. So I just take mental pictures. It's also just an almost awkward feeling taking pictures of such horrible things - or maybe it's guilt for having the freedom to take such pictures when the people trapped here had all freedoms stripped away.

At the camp, there are many different blocks. Lots of blocks are totally closed off, but the blocks that are open all have different themes with pictures, exhibits, real artifacts, tablets of explanations, and sometimes monuments. Between all the blocks, visitors learn about where the victims came from, how they were treated, what the living conditions were like, and about various tortuous and catastrophic things happened to them. There were tons of genuine paper artifacts, from lists of people that had been shot at the death wall to an actual receipt of the Zyclone B gas that was used in the gas chambers. There were striped pajamas that were worn like a uniform in the camps, and it was heartbreaking to see all the rips and tears and mud stained onto them after all these years. There were huge glass cases filled with different things: one with childrens' shoes, one with adults' shoes, one with thousands of pairs of glasses taken away from people, one with luggage that was taken during the selection process when people arrived at the camps, one with kitchen gear taken from people (since people thought they were moving to "resettle" they had brought pots/pans etc). Three of the cases were especially disturbing. One had thousands of pieces of equipment taken from disabled people: wheel chairs, crutches, prosthetic limbs, casts, braces, slings, even a back brace. That was rough. Another especially terrible case was filled with human hair. And by case, I mean this glass compartment spanned the length of an average sized room. It was huge. And it was disgusting. Real human hair of victims that have survived to help show just one of the many disgusting things done to prisoners. Hair was shaved off of people as soon as they arrived at the camps, or in some cases after people had been gassed. A side case showed what the hair was used for - which was to make some kind of cloth/canvas looking thing. I'm not actually clear on what the mats were used for after that, but tests were done that confirmed human hair was being used to create these things. The third especially disturbing case was filled with empty Zyclone B containers. Really awful. Knowing that every single one of the hundreds of containers there helped kill hundreds of thousands of people was just awful. And the receipt showing that each container cost only 5 marks was right next to that, neatly displayed in a smaller glass case.

One of the blocks had pictures lining the walls of victims. The process and atrocities committed were very well documented. The pictures showed first the number assigned to the prisoner. Below that was the name (terrible). Below that was their date of birth, and sometimes their profession. Below that was the arrival date at the camp, and the date of death. I hardly saw any photos of people that survived longer than a month or two. The arrival and death dates were so disturbingly close together. Though I wonder if maybe it was a relief to die sooner rather than later in a place like that. The professions were also disturbing. I couldn't read any of them but our guide pointed out words to us that meant things like "professor" or "priest" or "lawyer". Seeing all the faces and knowing their professions and their fate and that they had lives and careers and families is nothing short of nauseating.

Another block was nicknamed the death block. Nothing good happened in this block. We saw the rooms were the gestapo would meet to decide the fate of certain people. We saw the rooms where different methods of torture were carried out. One such room was just a tiny space with no windows where 20 to 40 people would have to stand all close together for an entire day or longer...long enough to suffocate. Nobody survived those rooms. There were other standing cells that were not wide enough to sit in or lay down in. Prisoners were forced to enter the standing cells through a tiny opening near the ground which resembled a kitty door. We also saw the male and female washrooms - the actual sinks that people used to strip and clean themselves - before going out the door to the death wall to get shot in the head. That was disgusting. The actual death wall was destroyed so there is a replica in its place at the camp. Gross...just gross.

Of course, the grand finale to the camp was going into the actual, original gas chamber. The feeling walking into that room, that tiny room where a minimum of 1,000 people to a maximum of 2,000 people were stuffed into, was terrible. By the way, 1,000 was the minimum in order to be cost effective in terms of gas usage. Standing in that gross, depressing room and looking up at the hole in the ceiling that the Zyclone B gas was poured through from murdering men in gas masks above was just awful. I don't know what other words to use, so my apologies if this is not articulate enough. Joined to the gas chamber was another room with the ovens that the dead bodies were carried into to be cremated after their gold teeth had been stolen and their hair had been shaved off. It was just incredibly eerie to be standing there, looking at the color of the floors and the walls, knowing that such horrific things happened. That literally hundreds of thousands of people died right where I was standing at any given moment.

Back in the fresh air, which didn't even seem so fresh considering there was still two layers of barbed wire and guard towers everywhere, the Auschwitz tour concluded. Half an hour later, we jumped on a free shuttle bus to Birkenau, also known as Auschwitz II. This camp was designed for death. There were four gas chambers here which were destroyed seven days before the liberation. All that's left now of the chambers are and fields of grass that were fertilized with human ashes. How awful.

Birkenau was tough because we walked on the same platforms that millions of people were unloaded onto. Once on the platform, prisoners underwent a selection process. Mothers with children under 14 and sickly or disabled people were chosen to die immediately. Mothers and children got to stay together to avoid anxiety separation issues I think. The people selected to be murdered immediately had their suitcases taken away and were marched down the platform we stood on to the end of the platform where the gas chambers to close to. If people weren't murdered immediately, they were put into different areas of the camp. We saw a block where prisoners were forced to 'live' and it was filthy. There is a cement floor there now that it has been turned into a museum, but during the war it was a mud floor that was often muddy. there were sorts of bunk beds stacked three high. Each 'bed' (platform of wood) looked wide enough to sleep three uncomfortably, but really they each slept 9. Everybody knew that the top was the best, because it was warmest, and because you didn't have to have other people's urine/feces/blood drip down on you. My brain just can hardly even fathom how disgusting that is. The poor people on the floor get the brunt of their companions excretions and the mud floor.

Close by to where the gas chambers were, there is now a monument. Below the monument are tablets with the same message inscribed in many different languages. I don't remember the exact wording, but the message was about the importance of remembering what had happened here. It was there that our Birkenau tour concluded.

Then it was another two-plus hour commute back to Krakow in which we also stayed silent the entire time. I almost had a culture shock kind of feeling arriving at Krakow. [We thought we would be clever and get off at the bus stop close to Pawel's flat so we wouldn't have to walk an unnecessary 30 minutes...again, but the bus didn't stop there. So...we had to take it all the way to the main bus station.] The main bus and train station is connected to a giant mall. So have this terribly depressing day, and we get off the bus and immediately walk through this materialistic, neon light, McDonald's filled mall and it was just bizarre. That we had just seen something so awful, yet 70 years later, which really isn't that long, life just goes on as normal in this mall that looks just like any other mall. Sigh.








ANYWAY...the plan for tonight was to participate in Juwenalia, which is Polish for National Students' Drinking Week. Not kidding. It's some kind of tradition in Poland where students literally just drink for the entire week and the police can't do anything about it, because it's a tradition. There are also concerts basically every single night. It is pure chaos, I've never seen anything like it. First we went to a Polish rock concert which was held outside. I think there were dorms surrounding the stage because there were lots of students in windows just hanging out watching. The first band we saw was straight up screamo awful, but the second band was actually quite good. We followed the boys into a Polish mosh pit and I felt much too old/lazy to be there! Halfway through the set, Laura and I had to go to the bathroom so we found our way to the porta-potties in the back. After going to the bathroom, we decided we'd had enough of Polish mosh pits and enjoyed the music in the back where we weren't getting rammed into by dudes twice my size. It was a lot of fun people watching - I swear we saw a nine year old totally drunk off of like one beer. She must have been 4 feet tall, this girl was tiny and looked ridiculously young. I have no clue how she got in. Maybe she really was old enough, but all of her friends also were tiny and looked young. It was so ridiculous, I took a creeper picture of her haha. Just because it was funny to see a nine year old drunk.

After the second band, our group (which aside from Laura and me was Jacek, Shshk (NO CLUE how to spell his name), Stephan, and Pawel) decided to go to a barbecue. Hey, yeah, a barbecue, that sounds fun! Great! Walking to the barbecue, we passed by a convenience store across the street from a bar. The bar looked near empty. The convenience store had a huge line and a mob of people outside. So hilarious...(you can buy alcohol at convenience stores and then drink it on the street. Well, I don't think you're normally allowed to drink on the streets, but during Juwenalia you are allowed to). I wasn't interested in drinking at all, but the boys got their alcohol and onwards to the barbecue we went. First we passed by a grassy area with tons of people lounging around, standing, sitting, grilling, eating, etc. Trash everywhere. Also, people dressed up in crazy costumes everywhere. So strange!

Then...then...we went through some underpass and my jaw probably just dropped. All of a sudden there was super loud music, coming from a stage far away in the distance, with fluorescent green neon lights flashing like rave strobe lights, lighting up the otherwise dark trees and sky. Thousands - literally, thousands - of people. Dorms were all around this huge park or lawn or whatever it was. There were grills every 20 feet or so that people actually were using. (By the way, this was the "barbecue" they were talking about. We explained to them that in the US, a "barbecue" is like 20 friends grilling and hanging out. This was an all out rave with probably much less speed and coke.) Closer to the stage there was fog and dancing and craziness. But it was really insane; Never have I seen so many drunk students in one place, outside, dressed up and acting like maniacs. There were people just in towels, people in full on checkered body suits (the spandex ones that cover their faces too), somebody dressed like a devil, somebody dressed as the Heath Ledger's Joker, and lots of other people not dressed up but still acting insane. We found the boys' friends and stood around conversing with young drunkards who were very enthusiastic about meeting us. In Poland, the way they drink is from one bottle that gets passed around. If you have a shot glass, you drink your shot to the health of the person to your left, and then you poor that shot. And then you go around in a circle like that, one at a time, drinking to everybody's health, until the bottle is gone - at which point you open the next one. Polish people really do drink as much as their reputation lets on! It's pretty funny. Also it might not help that stereotype that we were there during National Students' Drinking Week. Since I'm in Poland, of course I had to taste their vodka (which while for vodka was good, but did not change the fact that I don't like vodka) but I was not on a mission to do anything more than taste it just so that I could say I had vodka in Poland. After my baby tastes, when people drank to my health I said thank you very much but no I was not having any more. Pawel was also funny because I think he maybe forgets that we are 22 and 23...he kept trying to tell us how to take a drink and then the chaser and we were like: dude. We went to college. We're big kids. In fact, we're 3 and 4 years older than you. Also, shots + chaser = pretttttty universal. Funny though that he was trying to teach us haha.

I ended up talking about American politics with some really nice drunk guy and when he left I somehow found the only other sober girl at Juwenalia. Her name was Asia and she is an Erasmus student (who told me much more about what Erasmus actually is). She speaks Polish, English, Persian, French, and a little Russian...no big deal. SO JEALOUS! Haha. She was super sweet, and before I knew it, Pawel was ushering us home. Laura got one or two marriage proposals and I got an offer to move to Poland, so I guess it was a successful night!

Then Pawel went into a well-intentioned but still hilarious over-protective lectures about Polish boys. Really. I think because I was talking with some drunk guy (after Asia left, there were only drunk guys to talk to) and ended up writing my name in his phone because he asked me to. I didn't see the harm in it because I am 100% positive he will completely forget about it and never contact me, which I could care less about. At any rate, I think this is what spurred Pawel's speech about how we should be careful around Polish boys because Poland can be unsafe for girls and how he didn't want me to get sexually harassed and how he wasn't sure if I wanted 'anything to happen tonight' and he went on and on about it. Finally, I had to lay it out for him and just say, 'Hey. Look. I'm sober. I have a boyfriend. And I'm not a slut. So, NO, nothing was going to 'happen tonight'. And FYI, 19 year old drunk boys are the same everywhere. I know how to talk/deal with them.' He then apologized and said to let him know if he was being over-protective and without missing a beat, I said yes you are being over-protective! It really was all well intentioned, and that I appreciate because that is sweet. I just think it is still funny because Laura and I have been gone for so long and we've been to such extreme/intense countries before this trip, and we've already experienced so many bizarre things. We've been through a lot. And we've never stayed with a CouchSurfer this young before, so trying to be like ultra taken care of and watched over when we're used to being so independent and always, of course, having each others' backs 24/7 (which we do - it's awesome), was a little bit surprising for us. Definitely not bad at all, it just required some explaining that we don't need somebody telling us how to drink or how not to be sexually harassed at a humongous park filled with drunk kids 3 and 4 years younger than us. Seriously that is like Jonathan's age. Even if I was drunk, didn't have a boyfriend, and was a slut I still wouldn't have had 'anything happen' with a drunk Polish 19 year old. Come on... haha.

That was about all the excitement for the night though. We parted ways with all of our conversants and walked home safely with our group of Polish boys. And now we can say, no, we haven't been to Oktoberfest (YET), but we have experienced Juwenalia!! The biggest and longest drunk college party ever. Ever.


Quotes:
Drunk dude: "Where are you staying tonight?"
Me: "Oh, we're CouchSurfing with Pawel and Jacek."
Drunk dude: "Well, I have a bed so you don't need to sleep on a couch."
THANKS, 19 YEAR OLD DRUNK DUDE! hahahaha

Accomplishments:
Not throwing up at the concentration camps.

Travel Tip:
Treat your student ID like gold :)